I wish I could talk to you and make sure you’re okay. You know I’d understand more than anyone else in this world.
I left for the same reason I’m leaving here. I’m not progressing anymore. The timing of my life there wasn’t quite right. I was still with my ex when I left home. He was definitely my influence for getting out of Abbotsford when I did. He knew I needed it even though we would miss each other and it happened we didn’t work out in the end.. But I’m thankful that he pushed me towards getting up and out and being independent which, in turn, helped me learn so much about myself. We don’t speak at all anymore. He thinks I’m a “terrible person”.
Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Tofino and I have grown so close but have been drifting as of late. It has changed into somewhat of a dark place I can’t run from. You do something wrong and everyone interested in bringing you down in the slightest (which is more people than you’d think) pick at your efforts and cackle amongst each other at your faults. The saddest thing about this is they don’t even know they do it. Talk is played like a go fish game, easy and tedious. You’d have to be the absolute perfect human being to progress in this place and we all know I am not, will never be, and certainly do not want to be a perfect human being. How boring!
I have grown apart from my sadness about my recent relationship but I feel there is still one thread holding on. A thread that is simply my living here and hearing about it over and over again, thus causing me to continue to think about it. So I would be lying to myself and everyone else if I said I was completely over it and out of love. My leaving will finally cut that thread and I can be sure to move on with confidence that I won’t have (as much) baggage.
Finally, I have ignored my family and my friends from home for far too long including the years leading up to my departure. I was so mindless and in my own world during those years, and Tofino has helped me sort of clear all that and realize who and what I have, and what I need to do.
by Dylan Thomas (via observando)
No. I think every relationship that ends, ends for a reason. I think it’s rare for an early relationship to actually be the crucial one because you are still learning about yourself. I’m still continuing to learn about myself, and I fear I won’t be able to be with anyone for a really long time because I still have no idea who I am or what I’m doing and I have no idea what makes me happy.
Because I have failed at everything and it seems I’m going to continue to fail unless I drastically change who I am